Really Bad Eggs
by Anne Parkington
Summary: What happens when Jack convinces Elizabeth that the eggs in the rum runner’s cellar are okay? Madness ensues! Full of cross overs and crazy things, this is very flameworthy
1. Really REALLY Bad Eggs

**Really Bad Eggs**

_By Anne Parkington_

**Disclaimer:**  I do not own Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. Or any of it's characters . . . although  I'm working on buying Johnny Depp off E-bay any day now. . ^_^*

**Summary:** What happens when Jack convinces Elizabeth that the eggs in the rum runner's cellar are okay? Madness ensues! Full of cross-overs and crazy things, this is very flame worthy.

**Chapter One**

//_Okay, Elizabeth and Jack have managed to get themselves trapped on that damn island again. . . oh well.\\_

**_"__We're _****devils and black sheep, **really bad eggs**,**

_drink_ up **me 'earties, yo ho!**" ****__

Elizabeth raised the egg half way to her mouth, but then looked at Jack. 

"Are you _sure these eggs are alright to eat? They look a little. . . funny." She held it up for him to see. He took it from her, and brought it up to his face to get a better look. It was green with cracks all over it, from which putrid yellowed whites exploded from. _

"Ah. . . yeah! It's fine! It's just. . . 's' pickled, is all!" He said shiftily, giving it back to her.

"Really?" Elizabeth asked, her brow softening. Jack nodded, and went back to sharpening his knife.

"Would I lie to you?" He asked, giving her a cheeky smile.

"_Well_. . . you told Captain Barbosa back there that you were dishonest. _Now_. . . if you were telling the truth then you'd be lying and that would mean that you were dishonest, which is why no one should ever listen to you ever. And this is why I'm a little hesitant about eating an egg that looks like it's been sitting here for years!" 

Jack stared at her for a moment, his eyes searching hers. He wasn't exactly _sure what she had just said, but she was confident enough, so he took it that she was right. She was most of the time. He picked another one out of the box and sniffed it. He'd smelt worse. Pirates don't really _like _to shower much. _

"It's _fine! It's pickled to keep from going bad!" he cried and stuffed it into his mouth. Elizabeth watched him for a moment, and then put hers in her mouth. She chewed for a moment, still watching Jack. He was still looking at her, and hadn't blinked. She swallowed her egg and inched closer to him._

"Jack?" She asked. But she felt funny. . . she was getting dizzy. The last thing she saw was a close up of Jack's shirt as she fell into him, knocking him to the ground. They lay there motionless until, Jack's ghost stood up and stretched.

"Wow." It said, "I guess those eggs _weren't _okay. . . Oh, here, 'luv, let me help yeh up." He said, and held out a hand to Elizabeth's ghost, who pulled herself up and dusted off her dress.

"That settles it, I'm never trusting you again."

"Hm. . . well, now that we're dead, it can't really hurt you anymore can it?" Jack smirked.

"Shut up, you bloody pirate." She snapped as they started to float upwards. Jack rolled his eyes.

"Hey! Where do you think _you're _going?!" She asked, noticing that he was also floating up.

"Up to heaven! Where did you _think_ I was going, Miss Swann?"

"Well, _obviously." She said, hands on her hips. Jack raised his eyebrows. She stared at him in shock that he seemed beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was going to heaven. "You were the captain of the black pearl!" She said in outrage, "a ship _condemned _to hell!"_

"Only cuz of the gold, m'lady." Jack said, waving his hands, he admired one of his rings and smiled a gold toothed smile. "I didn't have any part in it."

"But you would have." Elizabeth said through clenched teeth. She clenched her fist and narrowed her eyes at him.

"Woah there lassy! You're getting just a _little too hostile for my liking. . . I think I'll just turn away, and let you calm down, Savvy?" He tipped his hat a little over his eyes, and reclined, his arms behind his head._

"Ahh this is the life." He mumbled to himself. Elizabeth huffed and rolled her eyes.

"Pirates." She muttered under her breath. Jack peeked from under his hat.

"I heard that." He grumbled.

Elizabeth turned away. 

They soon reached the gates of heaven, which were as they both had imagined: gold and shiny and very tall. As they walked through them, Jack tried to scrape off a piece with his knife.

"Jack Sparrow!" Elizabeth snapped.

"Oh. . ehh. . . right." He said, putting his knife away and swaggering over to her.

"Dead, and you're still tipsy." Elizabeth said in amusement. Jack gave a small bow. Suddenly, a hundred trumpets sounded, scaring the Bejezus out of the two. Elizabeth gave a loud scream and she leapt into Jack's arms, who, at the same time, was jumping a foot in the air, and they crashed to the floor. Then a bright light shone through onto their faces.

"I'm _blind!!!"  Jack yelled, feeling around. Elizabeth suddenly became aware of his wandering arms, and slapped them, but she was momentarily blind as well, so she kind of missed. . . . a lot. _

A tall figure, in white robes descended down from the light, and gave them each a pair of plastic yellow rimmed glasses. 

"What are these for? To block that horrible light?" Elizabeth asked, rubbing her eyes.

"NO! Of course not" the figure said laughing slightly. "To watch the movie on being dead. It's in 3-D!" She grinned. Elizabeth stared. She had no idea what a movie was, or 3-D, but she put the glasses on anyway. She glared down at Jack, who she was still sitting on.

"Jack! Put these on, and stop your whining!" She shoved the glasses into his hands. He stuffed them onto his face and looked around.

"What. . . what are these for, they don't help the light at all!" He turned his hat down and put it over his face.

"No we're watching something. . . a. . . a m-m-ovie." She said.

Jack turned the hat up a little and peered at her from under it.

"What's a movie?" He asked. She shrugged.

"We'll soon find out." She said cheerfully as a large screen fell down before them, and the lights went out.

*Well that's chapter one. I know it's not that good. At _ALL.__ But I had lots of fun thinking up this idea. . . it gets crazier, believe me. _

**Stay tuned next time on 'Really Bad Eggs'**

When Jack Sparrow meets TEEN ANGEL!!

Will finds out that Elizabeth's dead. 

Jack and Teen Angel go to VEGAS!!

**_Review please, cuz I like them, and they motivate me._**


	2. It's not all bad, being dead

**Really Bad Eggs**

**_Chapter 2 [It's not really all bad being dead. . .]_**

****

Welcome back kiddies!! I am so happy you liked chapter one!!! I went for a nice refreshing day of boogie boarding in Rhode Island and then I get back and there are 13 reviews for my fic! Honestly, I only expected like 3 if _any!_ But, when I wasn't boogying, or reading Harry Potter V (for the 2nd time) or sleeping. . . I was working on chapter two!  But first, we'll have a little re·cap!

**.:BOOMING ANNOUNCER'S VOICE:.**

**_Last time on, Really Bad Eggs_**_:_

_Are you sure these eggs are alright to eat? They look a little. . . funny."_

_-.-.-.-.-_

_"Wow. I guess those eggs weren't okay. ._ .

_-.-.-.-.-_

_They soon reached the gates of heaven, which were as they both had imagined: gold and shiny and very tall. As they walked through them, Jack tried to scrape off a piece with his knife_.

_-.-.-.-.-_

_"NO! Of course not" the figure said laughing slightly. "To watch the movie on being dead. It's in 3-D!"_

_-.-.-.-.-_

**_:hearty_****_ laughing: Those were some good times huh? Well, stay tuned for the next chapter of Really Bad Eggs!_**

****

**[Small commercial break]**

"Wow. . . look at it! It's amazing! A giant white heaven sail! Reminds me of my ship." Jack said, with a fake tear in his eye.

"It's not a sail, stupid!" Elizabeth said, "THAT'S a movie."

"Looks like a heaven sail t'me." Jack protested.

"Jack, even if there _were _such things as heaven sails, which I doubt, not everything has to do with a boat you know, you wouldn't really know what one would look like, would you? Since this is the first time you've seen heaven. And further more-"

"Wow. Ye be _full_ of logic t'day, eh Miss Swann? Do us a favor and stifle your hole before me ears fall off." Jack spat, looking at her evilly. He turned his attention to the 'heaven sail' ignoring the fact that Elizabeth was looking rather disgruntled and staring at him with apt dislike. 

Suddenly big 3-D letters appeared on the screan.

**So. . . .**** you're dead.**

Elizabeth and jack looked at each other with huge eyes. They looked back at the screen, eager to see what was going to happen next.

**But.**** . . it's not the end.**

Five robe clad figures walked onto the screen and smiled. They held out their hands towards the two, and a flock of doves flew out towards them. Well they were 3-D doves, not real. But they didn't know that.

"DUCK!!" Jack screamed, pulling Elizabeth down with him. They stayed down for a good ten minutes, when the woman that had given them their glasses gave a small cough. 

Surprised that she hadn't been scared of the birds, Jack and Elizabeth looked up at her.

"Get up." She laughed. "I can see this isn't going to work." She said, walking over and taking the glasses off their faces. You're going to need to come with me for a better explanation. They stood up and followed her up a cloudy flight of stairs.

"Excuse me, miss." Elizabeth said politely. Jack snorted slightly and shook his head. It was a much different tone  than the one she usually used around _him. She glared at him and continued. "Are you. . . are you God?" _

The woman stopped, turned and looked at Elizabeth. 

"Am I God?" 

Elizabeth nodded. The woman smiled and then started laughing. 

"Ohh, I'm sorry, Elizabeth, but that is very funny. No I am not god. When you see God, you will understand why I'm laughing. This way, please." She lead them through an old fashioned office door.

"How do you know my name?" Elizabeth said softly.

"I know everything about you. And you too, Captain Jack Sparrow." Jack looked up sharply at the sound of his name.

"Surly not everything. . . " Jack trailed off, they were now standing a junky old living room, with mis-matched plaid couches, and green walls. There was garbage all over, and blue cigar smoke filled the room. A short fat man with a cab drivers cap, beater and blue boxers sat in a recliner, eyes glued to the tv, which was broadcasting some baseball game. The only movement he made was when he drew his big fat cigar from his mouth, and blue forth another cloud of blue smoke.

"Sir, this is Elizabeth Swann, and Jack Sparrow. Oooh, _Captain Jack Sparrow. Pardon me." She gave a small bow to Jack, who nodded. _

"What happened to the 3-D?" the man asked.

"Well, they don't _know _about movies. It'd be better if you talked to them." The woman said.

"Okay. Very well, Mary-Weather, let me get a look at the new ones." He turned to them and a pair of spectacles appeared in his hand. He put them on, and stood up. The glasses magnified his eyes to about 5 times their normal size, and made Elizabeth and Jack look at him oddly.

"This, is God." Mary-Weather said. 

Elizabeth and Jack's mouths fell open.

"What are you staring at? Let me see you. . . c'mere." God said, pulling Elizabeth down to his level. She knelt down, and the old man put his hands on either side of her face. 

"Such a pretty girl." He smiled at her. He pinched her cheeks like every old person does and beamed. Elizabeth smiled back. She immediately took a liking to him. He reminded her of her grandfather a little.

"And Jack!" God cried, pulling Jack down too. He pinched his cheeks too. "Such a handsome man! I've been looking up on your records. You _dog!_" God said winking. Jack looked confused for a moment, then understood completely. He nodded and laughed too. 

"Okay, here's what you need to know. For the first month, you are required to go to death support groups, to help you cope with the shock of being dead. . . obviously. You're separated into different groups, according to how you died. You guys ate bad eggs? You'll be in the food department. If you need anything feel free to contact me, but I gotta finish watching this game, I bet a bunch on the _Angels." God winked, and went back to his chair._

"I'll show you to the food department." Mary-Weather said smiling.

They got there just in time for the next meeting. Chairs were arranged in a circle and they sat down, looking around in awe. Also in their support group was An old woman who was dozing in her seat, two surfer guys, a beautiful woman in a long red dress, a fat, bald trucker, a black bouncer, and a teenaged boy  with dark hair. The group leader was a man dressed in white robes named Carl. 

"Welcome. I see some new faces. . and. .  some old faces." Carl said. Let's go around the circle and give our names and what you ate that caused your death. Let's start with you. . ." Carl pointed at Jack. Jack looked surprised for a moment then said, 

"Aye, my name is Captain Jack Sparrow. . . and I ate a bad egg. . . " He looked at Carl to make sure this was enough said. Carl looked around the group.

"Welcome, Jack." They chorus. Jack jumped some, but regained his composure quickly.

"Um. .  my name is Elizabeth Swann. . . I also ate a bad egg. It's Jack's fault." She said. 

"No, no, it's _no one's_ fault!" Carl said calmly. Elizabeth rolled her eyes. The people continued around the group and when they got to the teenaged boy with the dark hair, he stood up.

"My name is Marty, and I ate a bad hamburger . . . and I've been here for 3 years." He declared.

"Wow." Jack mouthed to Elizabeth. She nodded. She didn't know what a hamburger was but the fact that he didn't get over being dead for 3 years made her scared.

After the group meeting, they left feeling very calm and happy. Jack went up to Marty and shook his hand.

"Three years?!" He asked. 

"Yeah. I don't know why I keep going back. I mean. . I know I'm dead. . . It's just sad you know. But hey, we can still do stuff you know." 

"Really? Like what?" Jack asked. 

"Well anything really. . . just people cant see us. But, I know you know my name and all, but I'm Marty. . . I'm Teen Angel. There's a tv show about me!" He said shaking Jack's hand.

"Jack Sparrow. What's a tv show?"

"It's kind of like a movie."

"Oh. . " Jack shivered. 

"Hey, you seem like a fun lovin' guy. . . a pirate right?"

"Aye!" 

"You wanna buy me Booze?" Marty asked.

"Of course I will. Rum all around!" Jack shouted, causing a few people nearby to jump.

"Good! Let's go to Vegas! It'll be fun, we'll drink, we'll gamble, it'll be great!" 

Jack looked as if all his dreams had just come true as they disappeared, leaving Elizabeth all alone. 

"Jack?" She called, walking through the crowds of people.

"JACK?!!" She screamed. She looked around and whined. "Jaaaaaacccckkkkkk!!!" 

And that's the end of chapter two! 

**Coming up next on _Really Bad Eggs:_**

**__**

Will finds out that Elizabeth is dead and blames Jack.

Jack and Marty get married.

And the ghost busters bust a cap in yo ass. . . just kidding, but they do show up. ^^

**REVIEW REPLIES:**

****

Dragonmistress and Celticgirl: Thank you!! I'm glad you liked it!

Tora Tsuki: Oh, well, thanks! ^^ I tried my best to get Jack in character. . . mmm Johnny depp :sigh: 

HappyChaos: Love your pen name by the way! And thank you!

Sheego Neko-san (japanese_cleopatra@cutey.com) : Yeah I know it was short. . . I'm thinking there's only going to be 4 chapters. . . so they're all gonna be pretty short. . . I think :ponder:

SNangel: : )

Twilight-Zone: Yes, whenever I saw Pirates I mostly paid attention when Jack was on screen (other than that I kinda slept, lmao jk) and realized what I great character he was. . . and I tried my best to re-create him most accurately. 

Cheesey Little Hobbitses: So happy you liked it!

Mage Kitty: ::laughs crazily too:: I always enjoy a good giggle-fest!

Philosopherscat: :dreamily: yeah, Jack is _always delightful isn't he? I'm glad you read this too! : )_

Purple Orchid: Chiara, you're a whore. Just kidding! I love you. . . and no, I'm sorry, but your topless self at the beach doesn't make me think of Johnny Depp and Kiera Knightly eating bad eggs. . . I'm sorry. Lol!

MrsPitt: Yay! Weird!!! :dances: so happy!

telly belly (chantelle11@btopenworld.com): Orlando bloom will show up in good time, my dear. ; )

bad egg: Hey! Watch where you're poking that motivation stick!!! (but thanks!)

The Katt: Heehee golden gates. . . mmmmm gold. 


	3. Who you gonna call?

**Really Bad Eggs**

_By Anne Parkington_

_A.N: special thanks to Amanda, who rocks! _

**_Chapter 3 (Who you gonna call?)_**

****

Yes, welcome back to another exciting chapter of the classic tale, Really Bad Eggs. . . I know you've all anxiously awaited the next installment, and here it is!!

**.:BOOMING ANNOUNCER'S VOICE:.**

**_Last time on, Really Bad Eggs_**_:_

"DUCK!!" Jack screamed, pulling Elizabeth down with him.

-.-.-.-

Such a handsome man! I've been looking up on your records. You _dog!_" God said winking

-.-.-.-

"My name is Marty, and I ate a bad hamburger . . . and I've been here for 3 years." He declared.

-.-.-.-

"Good! Let's go to Vegas! It'll be fun, we'll drink, we'll gamble, it'll be great!"

-.-.-.-

**_Uh oh! So now, Jack has left _****_Elizabeth_****_ all by herself in Heaven to go to Vegas with Marty, what insane antics will occur in this chapter of Really Bad Eggs?!_**

****

**-.-.-.-**

**[Small commercial break]**

Will looked out the port hole of the Interceptor and ran a hand through his sea strewn hair. He didn't know _how _they did it, but the Commodore had managed to 'accidentally' maroon, Elizabeth and Jack on the island Barbossa had stranded them on before.

"Will! There it is!" Mr. Gibbs, called from above decks. Will dashed up and ran to the side, looking out upon the small key where his beloved Elizabeth was waiting for him.

"Norington, get the long boat ready, we depart immediately." Will snapped over his shoulder.

"That's _Commodore _Norington, to you, boy. And I believe it is, _I _who orders this crew around, not you." Norrington spat, but hailed for the long boat to be dropped anyway. Will, Mr. Gibbs, Norrington, and, Governor Swann got in the boat and rowed to shore.

When they got there, however, they were met with a ghastly surprise.

"Elizabeth?" Will asked, softly, holding her now limp cold body in his arms. He brushed her hair out of her face with his 'rough blacksmith hands' and stared at her beautiful face.  Governor Swann, knelt besides Will, and took Elizabeth in his arms, tears falling silently down both their faces. Mr. Gibbs was kneeling besides Jack's fallen body, and muttering something under his breath. Will took off his hat and stared out into the horizon. 

"This is Sparrow's doing." Norrington muttered under his breath. Will glared, but his brow softened almost instantly. He did have a point. Jack had promised to keep her safe. . . and now, she lay dead in her father's arms. Nobody deserved that fate. Secretly he thought to himself that he'd wreak vengeance on Captain Jack Sparrow if it was the last thing he did. But how? He was dead. Then it hit him like a ton of bricks. . . GOLD bricks that is. (a/n: get it? Treasure? ::crickets:: OH, work with me people!)  He knew just what to do.

-.-.-.Vegas-.-.-.-

Jack took the bottle of beer off the bar with a shaky, drunken hand and drained the last of it.  It had been his 20th and he didn't have any intention of stopping until he was completely shnockered. He wasn't the only one however, Marty was catching up to him, with his 18th Guinness in hand. 

"Thisss.. . . " he slurred, pointing at Marty, "Makessss mee soooooo . . . "he paused, with a concentrated look on his face, "loud, shroud, toud, wowed, cowed, p. . . p. . oh yes! Proud! Sooooo proud, seeing you drink yer firssss" He started laughing hysterically without finishing his sentence. Marty started laughing too, as if he had just told the wittiest joke ever. They both fell to the floor, bringing their drinks down with them, their face red as radishes. Suddenly a man burst into the bar, with his arm around a very pretty woman. 

"I JUST HIT THE JACK POT!!!" He screamed, Jack looked up.

_The** Jack Pot**?****_**_he__ thought. _**

"AND WE GOT MARRIED!!" The woman cried. The bar cheered and stomped, and some ordered the newly-weds some drinks.

"Wedding!" Jack said, his eyes widening. "I love weddings!!!" He said breathlessly, grasping Marty's shirt. "DRINKS ALL AROUND!!!" He cried, but no one seemed to hear him. 

"Weddings are kinda nice. .  .aren't they?" Marty said whistfully

"Yeah. . . kinda wish I cu'dda had one before I DIED. . . but. . . I'm a pirate. . . whores are my specialty. Now. . my friend Will, he's. . . –hic- he's getting married to this lovely little woman, named. . . ohhh shite. . . she'd dead too. Hahahahahahaha!" Jack dissolved into laughter again.

Marty joined in too, but stopped him suddenly.

"You can STILL get married! Yeahhh. . . letsss, -hic- letsss get ma'ied!" Marty spluttered, laughing through his beer.

Jack stared at him for a moment, but then put his hand to his heart.

"You mean that, Marty? Marry me?! Let's goooo!" He stood up and swayed on the spot, then started to walk. 

"Wai!! Waii' for MEEEEEE!" Marty cackled, pulling on his pant leg.

"Ooop! Sorry, chap." He said, grinning goofily, and helping him up. They leaned on each other, each holding a bottle of beer in one hand and chanted down the street on the way to the nearest chapel, tongues hanging out:

"We'eh ge'in ma'ied! We'eh ge'in ma'ieh!*"

-.-.-.-The Interceptor-.-.-.-

"Are you SURE they can help?" Norrington asked Will, as four girlls in khaki jump suits stepped off a long boat onto the ship.

"Uh. . . well, they're ghost busters." Will said, a little unsurely. 

"Uh, correction, we are ghost kaput-ers."

"Ghost Kaput-ers?" Norrington raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah. . I'm Kate , these are my partners, Melissa, Amanda, and Lizz." 

She pointed to a tall blond girl, a very tall brunette and a short girl who had a red bandana covering her hair.

"I'm sorry, there must be some mistake. I asked for ghost busters! You are just a bunch of freshman!" Norrington cried.

"Sophomores, excuse you!" Lizz piped, prodding his stomach with her ghost kaput-er cream nozzle thing. (a/n: ::shifty eyes:: )

"Still! You're just children!" Will said, siding with Norrington for once.

"No way! I'm 15 and a half! And they're all 15 too! And besides, who cares how old we are! We're faster than those fat old guys back in New York! So. .. what ghost do you want to Kaput?" Kate cried above the rest as they all screamed in outrage.

"Well, his name is Jack Sparrow. . and-" Will started, but was cut off by shrieks from the girls.

"Jack sparrow's. . . d-dead?!" Melissa asked, her eyes filling with tears.

"Uh, yes, it's very-"

"Very sad!!" Amanda cried, as they burst into fits of tears.

"What's wrong!? Did you know him?!" Mr. Gibbs asked, looking at the girls with concern. 

"N-n-no." Sniffed Lizz, "But he was sooo sexy!" and they all evaporated into tears again.

Will quirked an eyebrow at Norrington, who gave a loud upheaving sigh. This was going to take a _long _time.

And so comes the end of chapter 3

*We're getting married!

**Coming up next on _Really Bad Eggs:_**

****

A daring rescue

A reincarnation (or two, or three) 

and a good being told to

**Review Replies******

Twilight-Zone: This chapter wasn't updated as soon as I was hoping, but I was very blocked for a few days, and then I went and saw it for the THIRD time, and then I wasn't writered blocked anymore! Johnny Depp has that effect on people! 

CryingChild: Fwahaha?! Oh. My. God! I love that laugh! I think I'm going to use it from now on!! HEEEE!!!

MrsPitt: We've gone over how I feel about you (frickin' brilliant!) but this means so much to me that you're reading this!!! Thanks for the review!!

Dragonmistress and Celticgirl: No, its not slashy-ness! I pwomis! They's just drunk! It doesn't COUNT if they're drunk! You'll see, it's all to be revealed soon. . . :Gasp!: Jack Sparrow. . . all revealed!! OHHHHHHHHHH! :gets to typing:

Nicole297: Noooo, don't die!!!! You have to read the rest and decide if you want to die then!!!

Gloria Bryant: Yeah, I definitely got that idea from _Peace Now! Mmmmm JHSS, :snaps out of it: I mean. . . uhh. . . never mind._

Keep those reviews comin'!

-A.P-


	4. Hold up you're a dude

**Really Bad Eggs**

_By Anne Parkington_

**Chapter 4: [Hold up. . you're a dude]**

Yay!! Chapter four of Really Bad Eggs! I'm so excited, I can barely contain myself!! :squeal:

**:Big**** Booming Announcer Voice:**

**_Last time, on Really Bad Eggs:_**

****

-.-.-.-

_"__Elizabeth__?" Will asked, softly, holding her now limp cold body in his arms._

-.-.-.-

_The** Jack** Pot**?**_****_he__ thought._

-.-.-.-

_We'eh__ ge'in ma'ied! We'eh ge'in ma'ieh!*"_

-.-.-.-

****

_"I'm sorry, there must be some mistake. I asked for ghost busters! You are just a bunch of freshman!" Norrington cried._

_"Sophomores, excuse you!" Lizz piped_

-.-.-.-

**_Woot_****_! Knee slappin' good times! Now onward!!_**

****

**[Small commercial break]**

It took about 5 minutes for the girls to get themselves back together. Finally Lizz stood up and wiped the tears from her eyes.  
"We refuse to kaput him!" She said, menacingly.  
"But he must _pay!_" Will said desperately. "He killed Elizabeth!"   
"Oh, I doubt that. Jack is too nice. We'll go find him and ask him whats going on, okay? Come on, get in our space ship!"

**Audience**: Wait wait wait wait!!! Space ship? Anne you're a putz! They didn't have space ships back then!  
Yeah, well they didn't have Vegas, tv or anything else I mentioned either did they? And now they do. . . it's a mixture between now and then. .  . like the candy!   
**Audience: **That's now and _later.  
Oh. . right. Whatever._

-Will looked fearfully at the contraption sitting on the boat.  
"What's a space ship?" He asked. Norrington stared in disbelief. He made the same kind of face that he had made when he found out that Elizabeth   
loved Will more than him.  
"This is a space ship! And it will take us to heaven . . . although; you and I can go to heaven right now in your bunk if you want." Amanda said, sideling up to Will and winking. He blushed a little and looked at Norrington who was covering a giggle with his hand.   
"Uhh, later, Amanda. We have to get to Jack first." Melissa said, looking apologetically at Will and dragging him into the space ship with the rest of them.   
"Good bye!!" Lizz said waving ecstatically. The Space ship blasted off, and everyone on the boat watched in awe, and some threw confetti.   
"Weigh anchor!" Shouted Norrington, but was cut off by a big cloud of confetti that flew into his throat. He choked and sputtered on it, while the guilty tosser laughed and took a sip from his flask.

---In heaven---

The space ship was extremely fast, because I didn't have any ideas on what they did during their journey, so they arrived in Heaven almost instantly. The doors slid open and they all ran out and through the golden gates. Elizabeth spotted them immediately.  
"WILL!!" She called. Will turned and greeted her with a warm embrace.   
"I was so worried about you!" Will whispered.  
"Oh Will!" Elizabeth said softly, her eyes welling with tears, "you're dead too?!" she sobbed.  
"No. . . I've come to kill Jack. . . well to Kaput his ghost."   
"Oooooh Jack!" Elizabeth said angrily. "It's HIS fault I'm dead. I mean, if he hadn't told me those eggs were okay. I mean. . He died too. I suppose he didn't know either . . . since he ate one before I did. . . "  
"Wait, he ate one before you did?" Will asked.  
"Why, yes! He ate one. And I waited a little. And then I ate one, not knowing that he had _died."  
_"So it wasn't Jack's fault after all!" Kate cheered.  
"Hooray!!" The girls cried.  
"Who are they? The Jack Sparrow fan club?" Elizabeth asked, eyeing the girls with apprehension.  
"Kind of. So where is Jack now?" Will asked.  
"Vegas." Elizabeth grumbled. He left me behind."  
"VEGAS?!" The kaput-ers cried. They exchanged worried glances and ran back to the space ship. Will and Elizabeth followed quickly and the doors snapped closed and they were off to Vegas. Woot! Road trip!  
  
They flew over Vegas, the girls' eyes scanning everywhere for any sign of the sexy pirate (a/n: sorry a little bias there. . . mmmmm jack sparrow!!) while Elizabeth and Will stared in amazement at all the pretty lights and what not. Suddenly Kate pointed out the window;  
"LOOK! That's HIM!" Everyone ran to the window, which caused the space ship to tip over with a loud metallic groan. The doors sprung open, and they all spilled out, falling falling falling. . . but fortunately they weren't very high up, and landed in a dumpster, that was full of cardboard, which isn't too comfy, but its better than pavement.   
"Oh that sucks." Melissa groaned, pulling herself out of the dumpster. She helped Elizabeth and Will out, while Kate turned around the corner, looking for Jack again.  
"Damnit! We lost him!" she groaned.  
"Told you we make sucky secret agents." Melissa mumbled. Kate rolled her eyes as she looked around.   
"Wait. . .no I see them. No!" She turned to the others. "He's going into a wedding chapel! We must stop him!"   
"Stop him? He's getting married! Good for him." Will cheered.  
"He _wasn't_ with a woman." Kate said. Will's face fell. "He's drunk." The Ghost Kaput-ers nodded at eachother and took off at full speed down the sidewalk, dodging people and boxes. They burst through the door and barged into the chapel before the ceremony had even begun.  
"JACK!!" They cried. He frowned at them  
"Who are you?!" He murmured. Melissa started to explain, but just then Will burst in, panting loudly.  
"WILL TURNER!!" Jack grinned, spilling his drink down his front. "JUST the man I wanted to be here!"   
"No! Jack, this is a mistake! You. .  .you can't get married to this guy!"  
"And WHY not?" Marty spluttered drunkenly.  
"Cuz. . . cuz he cant." Will finished lamely.   
Jack looked from Will to the girls and laughed. Suddenly Elizabeth burst through the door panting as well. Jack beamed brightly.  
"ELIZABETH! Luv, I'm right glad you're here I am! Everyone's here! It's a real shindig now, eh?" Jack exclaimed, linking arms with Marty and swinging him around, singing what sounded like a drunken version of 'A pirates life for me.'  
"Jack, PLEASE DON'T MARRY THIS BOY!!" Elizabeth cried, flinging herself at his feet. Jack looked down confusedly.   
"And why not?!" Jack hiccupped, and held himself up proudly. "Always wanted a wedding, and now I get one! Do you hear this madness, Marty? Trying to stop our wedding!"  
"Madness" Muttered Marty, shaking his head.  
"Now, if you're not going to be good friends, and support me, you may leave." Jack sneered.  
"Jack, please be reasonable!" Will persisted.  
"NO!" Jack growled, and he and Marty marched up to the minister.  
"Hold up!" Marty said, suddenly his speech was better, "You're a dude. I can't marry you." He said. Jack gaped at him, but the shook his head.   
"Shiver me timbers!" ( a/n: don't laugh. . . it's pirate lingo. . . :shifty eyes: ) "I wouldn't marry you. . . woman, need a woman." He muttered frantically. He suddenly noticed the ghost kaput-ers and ran towards them.  
"Jack!" Will snapped suddenly. Jack cocked an ear his way.   
"Aye?" He asked.  
"You're dead." Will stated. Jack looked confused for a moment, but it suddenly dawned on him, that. . . well, ghosts cant really do anything to living people. (a/n: the reason why Elizabeth and Will were able to hug in heaven, was because in Heaven she was an angel, on earth she's a ghost. . . that's the way stuff works. Teeeheee)  
"Bloody 'ell!" He cried in frustration. The girls giggled mindlessly. He looked at them oddly, making them shut up and blush.  
"Who are you?" He asked.   
"We were sent to. . . Kaput you."  
"Sounds good, luv, lets get started." Jack said, running his tongue over his teeth and rubbing his hands together. Will rolled his eyes. Lizz burst into a fit of giggles,   
"NO!!! It's. . . *giggle giggle* it's not like _that_ *giggle giggle* we were sent to destroy you." Lizz said, looking incredibly sorry. Jack's face fell.  
"ME?! But, but I'm Capt. Jack Sparrow! And. . . "He trailed, he looked ahead and moved his hand in front of his eyes, "And why aren't I drunk anymore!?!"   
"Because Angels don't stay drunk for very long." Said a voice in the door way. They all looked to see Mary-Weather standing there looking amused.   
"I have good news. . . I talked to God, and he said, if you want, you two can go and be alive again." She said to Elizabeth and Jack.  
"Really?" Elizabeth cried, smiling broadly.  
"Yep! He's a big fan of pirates, and can't wait for the sequel." She said winking. Jack, Will and Elizabeth looked at each other smirking. Marty looked over at the group with sad eyes.  
"And you too, Marty." Mary-Weather said.   
"Woot!" He cried, running over to them  
Mary-weather smiled, and waved her hand over them. They all became living again (a/n: YAYYY!) Elizabeth turned and looked into Wills eyes. He scooped her closer in his arms, and he kissed her passionately. Jack rolled his eyes and turned to the girls.  
"See, this a PERFECT ending. Except for one thing." He took a step closer to them.   
"Yes?" They said breathlessly.  
"We GOTTA get rid of the Mary-Sues." He said, shaking his head. The girls looked at him fearfully, as he took out his sword, and with a quick slash, that was the end of them :-)

-The End-  
  


**Review Replies:**

The Second Geek: Sorry I didn't put you in, I was about to, but then, I dunno, too many o/c's! Just craziness! Sorry :-( Thanks for reading though!

MrsPitt: oh thank you thank you thank you!! Such kind words! :beams: 

Lady Sparrow: Heeehee, thanks! 

Rava: Thank you so much! Heeehee, wench. Uhh. . . I don't live in R.I at all. . . lol. Actually I live in CT. You're not the first person who's thought I've lived in Rhode Island. Is there something somewhere that says I do? O.o Hmm. . . how odd, could you answer this in a review please? Or e-mail me? I'm so confuzzled!!

Sky is Blue: Ohhh thank you!!

**Stay tuned next time for Still Really Bad Eggs: The Sequel**

No, that's not necessary. There will be no sequel.

**Just kidding.**

Or maybe. . . 

**Or am i? Dun Dun Dunnnnnnnnn!!!**

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